I know I can be a bit too much. I know how I can act out when it hurts.
But lately it just hurts too much.
I know you care. I still feel the future we once had.
I still remember what it felt like to make plans. To have hope.
You say my acting out can be so destructive. You say it like I want to hurt you.
But you hardly understand what I feel. What I felt.
You think you know it, you might even have known it for a second. But you didn’t really understand it.
If you understood, you would have been there.
Like I was trying to be there.
You wouldn’t have kept doing this.
It wouldn’t hurt as much.
It would either evolve or be over. Not hanging on a thin line and hurting daily.
But if you understood my pain, you would have been the one.
And I thought you actually were.
And I tried to change. To be worthy of the love I thought I deserved. But never got.
At least not as it should have been.