Laying there

She was laying there with nothing but his sweater on. It still had traces of his signature perfume. It felt like he was there, wrapping his arms around her, holding so tight. She almost felt his breathe on her neck and his heartbeat syncing with hers. And again she felt something she thought was going to be forever . But forever was always so far away. And still is.

“I am so sorry”, she wispered quietly.

She was sorry, because of the things she said. She was angry at him. So angry for taking away her happiness, for distancing himself from her. She was sorry she blamed him for everything. She said some things she could never take back now.
All she wanted was for him to be happy. To be loved. For him to know she always accepted his flaws and his temper. And everything else that floated around in his head. In his beautiful mind. She was wondering how it would have all played out if she didn’t do the things she did. Said the things she said. Worried about many paranoid theories.
She was angry at herself now. But it all didn’t matter, because all she wanted was for him to understand.
“I don’t take your nature as a bad thing. I loved you for it. For everything. I want you to know you are the most beautiful creature in the universe. Every problem that appears in life you can overcome. And I wish you all the happiness in the world. Because, boy, boy you deserve it all. And so much more.”

She didn’t know will she ever be okay again. Will she ever repair. People say it gets better. With time you heal. But what do people know? What does it matter that she will be okay later if she is breaking into small parts now? How to cope with the pain with a simple promise of a better tomorrow?


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